ENTRY #2079
5/16/12
THE SONG: Torch, Pinback
THE PLACE: Crail East
THE WORD: Carry it!
Seriously, improve your argument. Kook.
Is this real? Doesn’t it look like the water is two horses?

Wizard Ben, I just want to let you know that you may be relinquishing the title of “Wizard” to Scott. Rickk told me that before Scott moved from beloved pro Chocolate skater to radical Lakai footwear designer, he would read Harry Potter books on tour. I’m still doing some investigation (and also need to get his wife a little drunk and see if he’s into the Hunger Games) but as it stands, your playing D and D in a friends garage in hiding can not hold a candle to this guy in a full van reading about casting spells and conquering immortals. Stay tuned.
ENTRY #2078
5/15/12
THE SONG: Controller, Blouse
THE PLACE: who cares
THE WORD: controller
In the 4th quarter when we cut our deficit to 18, I totally felt like we had it. Dammit.

Bird is wearing sort of a streetwear/urban vibe today. I just feel like I am hyper aware of his wardrobe lately.
Speaking of wardrobes, remember right before Rickk got on Fourstar and he rode for Tommy Bahama? That was sick.

ENTRY #2077
5/14/12
THE SONG: Zero, Yeah Yeah Yeahs
THE PLACE: Denver
THE WORD: Games left in your season!
Bird has all pastel’s on today. He’s so “resort” when it’s that weird season between spring and summer. I love it.
That would suck to try to fit into a gang that the sun is already a part of when you’re one of three icy objects. I would just not be a planet so you don’t seem so sucky.
This must have been for a photo shoot because he never would run this fast on the court.

Gav, look how small your head was? It grew like 12% a year since this photo was shot!

ENTRY #2076
5/11/12
THE SONG: Take it LIke A Man, Dragonette
THE PLACE: this universe
THE WORD: WAAAAAA!
Despite a Turnover victory, the team got a little heated during last nights contest. Mueller pushed a guy, Bird got ejected and Rickk did some time on the bench for two quick fouls. I like this. If Rickk and Bird can rub some of their incredibly poor sportsmanship and short tempers off on Mueller, we just may be on the road to another trophy. Go Turnovers!!
Eldrddige, he is officially “YOUR BOY”. The guy has about as much fire in him as that other dude….um…oh yeah, Pau!

Jonze, seriously. So ahead of the plaid curve, dude.

ENTRY #2075
5/10/12
THE SONG: Tired, Adele
THE PLACE: right here
THE WORD: yep
Dog on the top of the car for almost a full day, cutting the hair of class mates because they’re gay, he’s just a funny lovable ASSHOLE.
Ouch my knee hurts…ouch my hip hurts. WAAAAAAAAA!

Want more MIKE CARROLL? Follow furrycalamari on Instagram…..He’s PRETTY SWEET.

ENTRY #2074
5/9/12
THE SONG: Thousand Miles from Nowhere, Dwight Yoakam
THE PLACE: whatever
THE WORD: forever.
Whip your hair back and forth.
Focus, focus, now blow it. Nice.

ENTRY #2073
5/8/12
THE SONG: Rumpus, Karen O and The Kids
THE PLACE: heaven and earth
THE WORD: Wild Thing!
You were the best at what you did. That’s a life. R.I.P. Maurice.

It’s cool when your parents love a TV show so much, they have no judgement for their kids. That’s good stuff.
Go America! YAY!
ENTRY #2072
5/7/12
THE SONG: In Control, The Controllers
THE PLACE: Control Panel
THE WORD: Control
Mason and Tim Gavin beat Rickk and Deets Evans at a little game of two on two at Frosty’s. That Turnover jinx is truly going nowhere.
If I was undefeated at anything, there’s just a few people I would keep out of my posse. Just a few.

ENTRY #2071
5/4/12
THE SONG: Smoke and Mirrors, Gotye
THE PLACE: near the harbor
THE WORD: always
We’re in the process of opening Crailtap East. When I say “we”, I mean a bunch of dudes that aren’t afraid to chip their gel nails.
Here’s a Turnover’s update: There is no championship anywhere in site. A combination of not practicing, no chemistry, and not showing up for games is making them the Bobcats of Glendale. You guys had a good
run. Here’s a reminder of what you look like when you’re winning. Slaussage, I think considering the streak you’re on, don’t use the phrase “full court press” in meetings. Thanks, bud.

R.I.P. Sad day, too young.

ENTRY #2070
5/2/12
THE SONG: Smoke and Mirrors, Gotye
THE PLACE: near the harbor
THE WORD: I said, smoke and mirrors
Criagers, now known as Snippy is BANNED. FULL BAN.
I forgot to give a Turnover’s update last week. They lost. They play again this Thursday. Come on guys, Chemistry, movement, be aware of your team mates…just kidding. Just stick to your current plan, it’s what you seem comfortable with.
Carnahan will NOT be kite boarding any time soon. He feels like he has enough problems just trying to surf and as he put it, “I don’t know anything about the wind”. No one really does, Jeremy. No one.
I know you can’t bring your “A game” but what about your “D- game” for shipping our freight? No? Ok, well, your pie chart looked like you might bring at least your “C game” 40% of the time.
R.I.P. Junior

ENTRY #2069
5/1/12
THE SONG: Don’t Rush, Tegan and Sara
THE PLACE: nearby
THE WORD: “we’ve known each other for a year…”
Craigers is going to the Laker game tonight and said he’s bringing his “girlfriend”. That could easily be code for Slaussage. Don’t curse the seats, Craig. You will be bummed at the color scheme of your office if you do that.
Landed it for sure.

ENTRY #2068
4/30/12
THE SONG: Me and You, Slow Club
THE PLACE: the desert
THE WORD:PERFECT
This is Mother Nature’s way of saying LAKERS!

Even doing what you say you will do 40% of the time sucks. Write that in your journal.
Goats do so much good. Stop acting like they don’t.
ENTRY #2067
4/27/12
THE SONG: Happy Birthday, Stevie Wonder
THE PLACE: universe
THE WORD: Love you, River!
How is that “urgent” means so many different things to so many different people? So interesting.
You guys should get this set up for your next “idea”. More parking, larger overhead, faster ride from start to BLOW IT.

Have an awesome weekend. Seriously.
ENTRY #2068
4/25/12
THE SONG: Lately, Memory House
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: shit show, the good kind that leaves you with all sorts of fucking awesome memories.
I’ve never had to fly this banner. EVER!

I’m just glad that Artest elbowed someone on the Thunder because at lest Malto’s dealable. Imagine if it was a Clipper? I’d have to listen to Mikey pronounce the players name wrong and those other Clipper fans talk about how hot Griffin looked while it all went down. Metta knows how to choose his battles, not much more.
Parking spaces with our names on them are obviously the next natural step. You can almost smell the success leaking off of this thing, can’t you?

ENTRY #2067
4/23/12
THE SONG: It’s a Dream, Neil Young
THE PLACE: ya know
THE WORD: yeah
Metta, you can’t stretch like that after a dunk, you might give someone a concussion.

ENTRY #2066
4/18/12
THE SONG: Baby, War Paint
THE PLACE: right at this very desk
THE WORD: sorry
There is no “Q” in team. Turns out.
This is how I imagine tour. With some beer. Just kidding.

Are you into REO Speedwagon? We are. I mean, Craig is.

ENTRY #2065
4/17/12
THE SONG: Overboard, Ingrid Michaelson
THE PLACE: over board
THE WORD: over board
Remember that ol’ thing your dad or shop teacher use to say about if you want something done right, do it yourself? That’s a great saying, super into that one today.
I think when your business partners CC you on an email with a fairly serious tone that includes the words “anal fisting”, you pretty much ended up in the career you mom wanted you in. I’m sure this is why she emphasized my education.
Perfect, just need a bag of skittles.

ENTRY #2064
4/16/12
THE SONG: Surprise, Gnarls Barkley
THE PLACE: San Pedro
THE WORD: I said, “Surprise”
I forgot Spike had a “There Will Be Blood” mustache at one time. Hmmm….

ENTRY #2063
4/13/12
THE SONG: Something to Talk About, Bonnie Raitt
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: yep
We’re all getting our classic rock on tonight. Hard.

ENTRY #2062
4/12/12
THE SONG: Beating Heart, La Sera
THE PLACE: downtown
THE WORD:let’s do this!
I don’t like to pull rank but knowing that you can, makes some situations pretty sweet.
Callaway and I are going to be part of a spin marathon together on Sunday. The company that acts gay together, stays together.
Let’s get a FRIENDLY wager going with our friends in the North on this Kings vs. Canuck’s battle. Pete? Marco? Don’t be skeered.
I know what you’re thinking but if they didn’t any upper body work out then how would they all fit in hot tub together?

ENTRY #2061
4/10/12
THE SONG: This Time, Waylon Jennings
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD:Now
Bird’s back and pretty much sporting the most Floridian shade of bronze skin we’ve seen in these parts.
We got to watch a skate video that Feds made FOUR times on Easter. I think that is what made Easter so special for us. FOUR TIMES. Blessed.
Wait….what? Then who is going to be the hateful venomous hypocrite? OH! DUH, Romney is still in it.
We got your back, Charles. Don’t let them take your goat. I guarantee at least three of your neighbors are more disgusting then that little angel you have as a pet.
ENTRY #2060
4/9/12
THE SONG: I Want Candy, Bow Wow Wow
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD:FUCK OUTTA HERE
Tell JC Penney’s to let us live.

Santorum, get on this. Gay penguins! Seriously, you gotta handle this before anything. Or get that robot wife of yours on it. It’ll ruin everything.

Chick decided to indulge in the chocolate foil eggs during the Easter festivities and then barfed it up all night. Chick, how many times do I have to tell you? You’re a three pound dog, stop acting like you’re not.

ENTRY #2059
4/6/12
THE SONG: I Want Candy, Bow Wow Wow
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: melted Reese’s CHUCK!
If these two hunks were on Match.com (which they aren’t because when you’re this hot, you don’t stay on the market long) their profiles would be “Work in Skateboarding, Love Heavy Metal, Not afraid of complex carbs, up for a good argument”. The Wizard and The Mez.

Have a good holiday weekend.
ENTRY #2058
4/4/12
THE SONG: Moving On, The Used
THE PLACE: ya’ know
THE WORD: Thank the Lord
Team Fourstar and the best Talent Manager this side of the Poconos. They look pissed, probably got kicked out of a spot? Just kidding, I was just trying to act like I was cool. Sorry.

Bri Bri is going to a “5th button” hot look. I mean, they’re in Miami, it’s going to get hot.

I don’t know what to tell you other then he’s part of the people activating on behalf of defending “the hoodie”?

ENTRY #2057
4/3/12
THE SONG: If It Were Up To Me, Rooney
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: yep
The Art Dump is having a party and you’re invited! You know who “you” are so don’t get crazy.

I know you’re at a comic book convention but what about your parents that have to answer the question of what you’re up to? Sorry, uncool.

ENTRY #2056
4/2/12
THE SONG: Baby, Justin Bieber
THE PLACE: right here
THE WORD: which one?
Bird, Murphy cleaned his desk out. Just wanted to help chill that knot out that is growing in your back.
Someday I want to be at a techno rave and have Rickk need an answer to a question from me. I’ll get as close as I can to a speaker and take his call.
Someone from here wore a tie to a meeting. Holy Craigers.
Really? You wouldn’t be annoyed if someone was poking you with sticks and throwing rocks at your head? Fuck Outta Here, humans.
ENTRY #2055
3/30/12
THE SONG: Another One Bites The Dust, Queen
THE PLACE: universe
THE WORD: Stop it, Adam Lambert
The only thing scarier then an earthquake? A sunquake, for sure. I guarantee if your face is peeling off from heat, getting tossed around while it happens will be over the top.
I guess you did listen to me, God. I’ll keep praying then.
Rickk took a break from skating to throw up an original piece. You’re welcome, Florida.

ENTRY #2054
3/28/12
THE SONG: You Might Think, The Cars
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: Rickk
The Turnover’s are not three-peating.
What I’ve found out is that you can’t be the manager at Denny’s and also own the bread truck that drops off that shitty bread for the white toast that comes with your Grand Slam breakfast. That’s what I’ve found out. A lot of painful lessons go down around here. But as my mom use to say, “any lesson is a good lesson unless you have a bong in one hand”.
Spike is adamant that you enjoy this photo knowing full well “this is not the best tabletop” he can do. You know I didn’t make that up because I don’t even know what a table top is. And usually I only make stuff up about Thiebaud. Who, by the way, for some reason, hates Spike.

ENTRY #2053
3/27/12
THE SONG: The Day That Never Comes, Metallica
THE PLACE: Torrance
THE WORD: let’s go!
Callaway was trying to pin the “snitches” tag on me for Mikey getting punished on Instagram. I only call the cops when my life is at stake, people. When Carroll posts a fist up someone’s butt, I just agree with Rickk that he’s such a freaky pervert.
Baby Craig doesn’t have to go to Korea alone, he’s taking Jeff. Craig, here’s a little game to play in your MIDDLE SEAT: Which items on this table should you not eat?

Murphy, if I get you in the holiday pick, you are so stoked!

ENTRY #2052
3/26/12
THE SONG: Lessons Learned, Matt and Kim
THE PLACE: don’t worry about it
THE WORD: don’t worry about that either
Bird needs to get Mike Tyson over to his place to punch the knotted muscle in his back so it can break down and he can get it rubbed out. (Sometimes there are real facts in this column).
The Spy AKA Slausage AKA Murphy is going on a trip with possibly the worst luggage I’ve ever seen. If you cross his path, try to focus on his new haircut and not on the bag that looks like he’s slinging replica fragrances. Jesus, Mark.
One of the best parts of my job is when Rickk is trying to come up with a caption for a photo he is posting on Instagram and keeps running several different ideas by me. I mean, I do have an amazing amount of free time so I should really relish it more but for some reason it just makes me want to stab him with my letter opener. Go figure.
Oh, cool, you got a tattoo of Kenny Anderson, Sean Malto, Rick McCrank and………. John Lennon?

ENTRY #2051
3/23/12
THE SONG: Pink Eye, Ween
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: Housel!
Smyth stocked the snack machine, raised the price of Pop Tarts and left for tour. Productive, profitable and ahead of the curve. Way to be an outcast, Sam.

Derek who?

I don’t want to say which guy in particular, but one of the Turnovers went full salute to Luke Walton in the game last night. One for eight and then missed the last basket to bring the game to overtime. It wasn’t Bird, Mueller, Callaway, Murphy or EA’s brother. Might have been Rickk. I feel like it very well could have been Rickk but I am not saying for sure. Strong chance, though.
Baby Craigers can’t go to Korea alone. WAHHHH! How come I’m the only one that gets cry baby status, Bird? I’m an open crybaby, he’s totally in the closet.
ENTRY #2050
3/22/12
THE SONG: I Know the Feeling, Marie Osmond
THE PLACE: um, here
THE WORD: right now, only no headset

ENTRY #2049
3/21/12
THE SONG: Better than Sunday, Ladyhawke
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: Not Wednesday
Bird, you freaking out on today’s date? Three and then two plus one is three and then one plus two is three….and then times two is 666? No? Reaching?
Someone asked me why I yanked the “SIGN HERE” feature. I kept telling people not to draw on the piece of paper and no one listened so I canned it. Yeah, total power trip, felt great afterwards.
What happened to an art show every weekend? Just kidding.
You know how you know you’ve spoiled someone with home cooking? You don’t? Want Rickk to come stay with you for six months? Because if you do, he doesn’t really enjoy a pasta dinner without garlic bread so don’t fuck that up.
Really dude? You have one of the coolest animals on the face of the earth and you subject him to cargo pants, man sandals and a leash from PET CO? Good look, asshole.

ENTRY #2048
3/20/12
THE SONG: If You’re Cool, The Out Crowd
THE PLACE: Torrance
THE WORD: you’re not
Craig, seriously, poor etiquette to eat a hard boiled egg in a co-workers office. I know you’re having a bad day, I’m trying to help you for the future.
Yesterday before a conference call, Mikey told me how bad of diarrhea he had. That was pretty cool.
African Pygmy goat. Yes, please.

ENTRY #2047
3/19/12
THE SONG: Rich Girls, The Virgins
THE PLACE: your butt
THE WORD: whatever
Never too scared to fan out! RI-HO and AC! Photo credit: JUSTIN ELDRIDGE

The Gav is starting to look like a professional poker player. The combo of the baby Mercedes and the blue tooth ear piece are so Bicycle Casino.
I had to recover from the sheer joy of this before I commented. Get ready Cleveland, Walton does this amazing thing where no matter how much of a lead your team has, he’ll reverse it in less then four minutes play time.
This isn’t how Yorkies are supposed to look. Sorry Yorkie nation.

ENTRY #2046
3/15/12
THE SONG: Loved By The Sun, Daysleepers
THE PLACE: earth
THE WORD: recognize
Rickk is in China with really bad food poisoning. So weird, I would never guess that would happen there. I’m just hit with one surprise after another these days. Feel better, RI-HO!
Mikey, any suggestions for this guy since all the cool kids are on Instagram? And Smyth, I think this guy just gave your Yosemite lettering a run for its money.

Wait….I don’t get to see him hit 2% of his shots anymore? Dammit!
Yeah Santorum, I see your point. They’ve only been speaking Spanish since 1493. I mean, switch it up, stop lagging. You just took Newt out of the #1 Douche seat, you uptight dipshit.
ENTRY #2045
3/14/12
THE SONG: Calling Me, The Rapture
THE PLACE: another land
THE WORD: yep…
Finally, proper rain boots. So difficult to find in LA.

Mikey, if the pool is like this when we get to Vegas, you can totally stick an apple in someone’s butt without them even knowing! Apple Bandit!

Rickk’s got nothing on Eldy. He’s the very most talented escalator slider in the entire universe.
ENTRY #2044
3/13/12
THE SONG: Fantasies, Rogue Wave
THE PLACE: you know
THE WORD: let’s do it our way, freaks
I guess Rickk is used to a less gummy elevator when he slides down on his stomach to save time.
ENTRY #2043
3/12/12
THE SONG: Ego, The Sounds
THE PLACE: Your mind
THE WORD: That’s a big one, buddy!
Rickk said there’s a dog buffet…I mean desert buffet in his hotel in China. Want to say yummy but have to go with sketchy.

Bird, I just wanted to let you know that I made Spike cry twice on Saturday. So it’s not just that I’m a baby but I’m such a baby that it’s contagious. Very powerful. (Sorry Spike, let me know if you don’t want me to blog about you crying). Oh, and I only use the word “BLOG” to make The Mez feel as though he’s very important.
I was going to stimulate the economy by forming a team and drinking at least 36 margaritas every Sunday but I think I’m just going to keep this job and um…I can’t even finish this idea though, I’m so foggy.
“There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate,” Oh, it was all in the name of being an incredible patriot? Oh, you’re good then dude. Totally clears the hate spew and way you treat women. FUCK OUTTA HERE.

ENTRY #2042
3/9/12
THE SONG: Soft Revolution, Stars
THE PLACE: right here
THE WORD: leading it
What’s your deal, Callaway? Didn’t you get the text from Rickk that said, “Wear Flannel xoxoxo”?.

Oh cool, now I feel totally fine about the taxes I pay. Fuck Outta Here.
I know this may end poorly but I am going to kidnap him and put him somewhere safe. Next time you see him, probably Storage Wars? Sick hat, Jimbo.

ENTRY #2041
3/8/12
THE SONG: Living in America, The Sounds
THE PLACE: USA
THE WORD: Land of “Opportunity”.
If you’re interviewing for a job and haven’t worked in like a year, here’s a list of things you shouldn’t say you took the year off for:
1. I really just needed to clear my mind.
Empty promises from the sun? This week is so fucked.
Weird, turns out you weren’t crazy enough to come in first or second. That wife shit was good but you need to talk more wizards and warlocks and how much you like gay people but just need to “fix them.”
Fuck Outta Here, freak.

ENTRY #2040
3/7/12
THE SONG: Too Dramatic, Ra Ra Riot
THE PLACE: Hermosa
THE WORD: oh, no names
It’s a close up of the suns surface. Trip out on that. Or just be annoyed that I’m still even talking about the sun.

Bird and Craig are pretty dressed up today. I hope they didn’t interview with the blanket company across the street.
This guy being “that guy”.

ENTRY #2039
3/6/12
THE SONG: Turnin’ Off A Memory, Merle Haggard
THE PLACE: my mind
THE WORD: don’t worry about it
We got a way better Rick Howard than you did, New Hampshire.
Jenny Miller doesn’t work here but I wonder if she spends time starting needless shit. Hmmm…..

I bet there was so much bickering before this photo was shot. Rickk and Mikey go through a sort of “bitch” routine before they tackle the project at hand. Rickk said they have been eating at the place on the right a lot. Cafe Xperience. Yukky. I mean yummy.

ENTRY #2038
3/5/12
THE SONG: Ziggy Marley, Friend
THE PLACE: here
THE WORD: come home
I hope this worked out.

When it’s his fat ass paying his maid to get him Hillbilly Heroin, then he doesn’t want anyone involved. When it’s birth control pills, he wants everyone involved.

Vancouver and goats? That’s front page news.
ENTRY #2037
3/2/12
THE SONG: Set Up, The Dayton Family
THE PLACE: across the street
THE WORD: American Dream
I’m not an engineer but isn’t there some sort of more secure reinforcement to keep a drunk idiot off the runway?
Last night Spike used the phrase, “cut bait”. He said someone just needed to “cut bait”. I had never heard it before so Spike explained it to me. First he claimed to be so familiar with it because it’s a fishing term and he is such an outdoors men. Then he said he really was just an all around intellect. He’s humility is precious.
Maybe if you are afraid of being alone and your main source of protection is a three pound dog and a pocket knife, don’t watch Cape Fear at bed time. Nice ink, though.

ENTRY #2036
3/1/12
THE SONG: Temporary, Rogue Wave
THE PLACE: your desk
THE WORD: I’ll get back to you
I had a little conversation with Thiebaud today. I think he still hates Spike. Weird.
I might just start a section called HUMANS BLOW.

Rickk is going to be bummed on this. Someone he hangs out with loves these shows. Bummer, dude.
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